As a Mother’s Day gift

Por Dra. Ednna Milvia Segovia Miranda

With the purpose of Mother’s Day, I saw a text of the letter of an eleven-year-old boy circulating on social networks and that was published in the New York Journal. The young man apparently took his own life on May 10 in our country. In said suicide note or letter, the blame was placed on the person he considered responsible for the decision to kill him or the circumstances of his life, in this case the mother figure, as it reads “On this Mother’s Day I just want you to feel like the happiest woman in the world. Besides, you told me daily that your happiness was gone the day I was born. Well, I was the reason my dad left the house.”

According to some studies, most suicide letters have the function of offering an apology, followed in second place by the expression of negative feelings such as depression, anger, loneliness and hopelessness. In a forensic investigation they serve an important function in helping to clarify the nature of a death. That is to say, in suicide notes or letters, the motives, feelings, desires, thoughts of the suicide are often directly expressed, since they are generally written moments before committing the act, which allows us to have closer access to the act itself and, therefore, to your understanding.

On the other hand, we hardly reflect on the impact that our words have on the dignity of others, we forget that the language is like a great cathedral organ that can be played like a violin, a piano or a drum; José Saramago, the late Nobel laureate for literature, said in a 2004 speech that words are neither innocent nor unpunished. “You have to say them and think about them consciously.” The word is power and the impact produced by a negative message or an offensive word can be devastating. It is convenient then, to stop and think about what we say, how we say it, why we say it and avoid the guilt of saying something that we are going to regret later, making the effort to seek emotional reparation so that we can communicate better.

Failure is a necessary part of raising a child, all mothers and mother figures try to be “good enough”, some will succeed in some things and some in others, -or rather, I should say like pediatrician Donald Winnicott, some they will be bad at some things and some will be bad at other things. There is room for all kinds of mothers in this world. Perhaps the only bad mother is the one who obsessively pretends never to be wrong; the one who abandoned herself for carrying on her back the sociocultural slogan of “invincible warrior, tireless fighter and constant friend of all hours”; And while I find it truly amazing that some mothers do well to carry the inescapable bond of Wonder Woman or the almighty strength of an Amazon, today I would like to congratulate the mothers who have succeeded in lowering grandiose expectations of themselves and from others, to the less fantastic but the most authentic mothers, to those who have in their hearts an upholstered armchair of exhaustion and satiation, to those who cannot cope and who make millions of mistakes because they break into a thousand pieces to encompass obligations, those who have an imperfect life and are able to embrace their beautiful condition of vulnerability. Congratulations to the many free, chosen, joyful and diverse motherhoods.

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As a Mother’s Day gift