Albert of Monaco gives (semi) reassuring news of Charlene; Angie Jolie takes a French lover, Emmanuel Macron a surprise cold shower; Orelsan plays her Willy Wonka, Paris Hilton plays her pussy; Madonna fights for the rights of her ass

This week, our weeklies tell us some pretty stories. A bit like Christmas tales in advance: the strings are a little thick, the feelings, syrupy, but you want to believe it.

Charlene of Monaco never stops making the front page of People magazines. This time, it seems admitted that the princess suffers from a more important but also more mysterious disease than an ENT infection, “a deep physical and mental exhaustion” according to the Palace press release. “Everything went perfectly in the first hours until we realized that she was not well at all” even declared Albert, recounting in these words the return of his wife on the rock after more than six months of convalescence in South Africa. The former swimmer would then decide to isolate herself in a clinic. “She had made her decision, but we wanted her to confirm it in front of us”, that is to say her husband, her brothers and her sister-in-law. So everything’s OK ? Except that a little sentence from the sovereign is a bit cold in the back, and may suggest that the Princess is not quite at the origin of the said decision. Albert reports that when packing her bags, “she was calm and cooperative.” Ah? and before, she was not? For Gala, all the same, “the exfiltration went well”. Visits will only be allowed in several days or even weeks. Then there are the little twins, 7 years old soon, headed by Aunt Caroline and Auntie Stéphanie, who wave signs made with their little hands, “We love you, Mum” “We miss you”. Touching.

Djamel Debbouze, Melissa Theuriau and their daughter on the cover of Public. There is nothing special, just the pleasure of contemplating a little piece of happiness. Parents who walk in Paris, in the company of their 10-year-old younger daughter, face blurred and portable already screwed on the shoulder strap. The actor and the producer are beautiful, happy, they take pictures of themselves, give a few cents to a street musician. A film by Claude Lelouch, a chronicle of the good life, what.

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Closer sees Zemmour Papa. This is the scoop of the week for the mag which provides for the birth of a little Jean-Claude or a little Thérèse for the month of May. And the mother would be none other than Sarah Knafo, his 28-year-old campaign advisor. While the near-candidate’s divorce is yet to be pronounced (or even accepted by the first wife apparently), it would be the fourth child for him, the first for her. The announcement is made around a little paparazzade in a Parisian park where the couple, who look like they are wearing the same coat, stand arm in arm, smiling and elegant. The coming weeks will tell us whether or not the test was indeed positive.

Yves Lecoq needs money. At least that is what Closer thinks he knows, who takes the recent sale of one of the four castles of the Guignols imitator as proof. The building of 900 square meters, located 20 kilometers from Paris, was rented for filming. The actor would have liked to draw 18 million euros, but it is for half that it has just been sold to Xavier Niel.

Angelina Jolie shows off with a pretty French. It was in Beverly Hills this week: Brad Pitt’s ex landed at the somewhat confidential premiere of a documentary signed by JR and spoke before the film began: “I came to kiss you. Thank you for the hope you give us ”. The actress and the Parisian artist met 5 years ago around a project with Agnès Varda. And since then, they meet regularly, with or without the children, like this summer, in Venice for an intimate getaway.

Louane pays for a bodyguard. Not because she thinks it’s more of a star, but because she’s scared! Closer remembers in particular an anecdote which makes it possible to understand why: one day when she was late, a “fan” who wanted a photo, simply grabbed her by the hair to hold it back and get what he wanted . The interpreter of “I steal” has developed a small agoraphobia that she openly treats with the shrink. Hopefully her Mister Muscle also reassures her a little!

Celine Dion’s family did not like “Aline”. The godfather and the godmother of the star, that is to say one of his brothers and one of his sisters (they are fourteen children), descended sharply and live, the film of Valérie Lemercier. “We pass for a gang of grumpers, there, pi we never lacked anything in Charlemagne, we did not live in a cabin in Canada. They did not recognize each other, the characters are far from reality, even downright caricature. “She took a nasty trip on the back of Celine’s life.” After this interview on Quebec TV, “Elle”, the main target, therefore, Valérie Lemercier canceled her coming to this same show.

Eddy Mitchel, the grumpy on duty tackle Laeticia Hallyday, and atomizes its management of the various tributes paid to Johnny: “that does not interest me absolutely. Soon they’ll be putting Johnny with a feather in his ass, hanging anywhere… I don’t care. I even find that quite morbid. And paf!

Caroline Margeridon, palme d’or of outspokenness! “I am anti-bobos and anti-ecologists: these hypocrites who piss you off with their bikes while they are furnished at Ikea”. “My daughter has a boring IQ. She has a rigor that I don’t have. I call him Adolf ”. ” My children ? They got a laptop at 4 and a rolex at 16 ”. All this, in a single Interview granted to Here, the cheeky second-hand dealer of France Télé is revealed a bit coarse then, but assumes with panache, the success, the money … and as if that were not enough to see in her, a small piece by Bernard Tapis reincarnated, she should soon take her first steps as an actress at the Theater… After Nanard, Mamar?

Madonna, mother’s breast, mother’s butt … Atlantico already revealed to you yesterday that the superstar had again been censored on Instagram, because of a cliché revealing a breast. Outraged by this unexpected measure, Madame X hastened to repost her photos, vituperating against these prudishness. “Why can men show their torso while women never? Why eroticize this piece of flesh, when it is used to feed the child? It’s true Instagram, why censor this art, when it allows everyone to exercise their irony and critical sense? Internet users have given it their all. The rapper “50 cent”, for example, took a crunchy cliché: we see protruding from under a bed, the buttocks (without panties) and the legs apart of Madonna, sausage in a fishnet tights. Comment: “Here is the photo the funniest part: it’s Madonna under her bed trying to do “Like a Virgin” again at age 63. She has threads touching each other, if she doesn’t pick up her old ass! ”, followed by a myriad of smileys exploding in laughter. “Looks like she’s stuck”, “it’s Instagram here, by Pornhub”, and even “it’s getting embarrassing”, … “other sarcastic commenters added. Ridiculous, but seen a million times in 24 hours, anyway.

Orelsan thinks he’s Willy Wonka. Like Roald Dahl’s chocolatier, the rapper slipped a golden ticket into five copies of his album, released these days. A good way to physically sell the opus, with the key, not a visit to a chocolate factory but a lifetime and free access to the concerts of the performer of “Basic”.

And the usual medley to finish : Clara Luciani pressed a big button and light all the trees on the Champs Elysées for Christmas, in the company of Anne Hidalgo. On Thanksgiving, Joe Biden pardoned the first two turkeys from his term. Jean-Pierre Pernaut announced that he was suffering from lung cancer. After her marathon wedding, Paris Hilton is on a honeymoon in Bora Bora, the source of her dripping posts is not about to dry up. The series “10 Percent” won the US award for Best Comedy at the International Emmy Awards. Salma Hayek received a star on Hollywood Boulevard. She was accompanied for the occasion by her husband François-Henri Pinault and their daughter, Valentina Paloma, 14 years old. Victim of unease on stage, Catherine Ringer collapsed on the set. The singer had to interrupt the concert she was giving in Liège, after 3 songs. The boiler of the Elysée slammed while Emmanuel Macron was taking a shower … icy suddenly. Carla Bruni signed up on TikTok.